operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
