i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
