Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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