im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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