it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
