We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
