We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Let's get the cat blown out
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
