I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
