Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
