Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
