they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
