his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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