Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize