you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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