from now on my penis is your penis
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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