if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
