I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It's official drugs can't kill me
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
