friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
