it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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