The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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