found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
