if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
third nipple confirmed
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
