my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize