maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
