Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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