i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I am available for nakedness
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
