Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
