I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
