so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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