Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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