Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
