All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
