i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
