and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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