So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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