I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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