so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
