she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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