I'm jealous of your bromance
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
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