I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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