She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
