I'm gonna have a badass scar
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
