my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
