i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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