There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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