Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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