Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
