We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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