Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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