I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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