She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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