At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
