my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?