He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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