I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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