Did you just see the Batmobile???
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Where are you guys?
Drunk
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
