How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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