I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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