Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
