We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
