Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
