He uses pillows to masturbate.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
